*01 04 (before Tyrian)
~TYRIAN~ DATAFLUX 040-54-871
Data
After gathering all the available data, I think I've found the safest course
into Tyrian orbit from my landing platform...

After heading due west out of the Fauchi mines you should come in contact with
the floating battle platforms. Watch for the auto targeting plasma turrets
and especially the ~construction~ ~claws~. 

Whoever designed these platforms sure counted on spies and infiltrators, as
they're loaded with small squadrons of surface ~attack~ ~drones~ as well. 

I think these platforms are filled with ~Gravitic Ore~, which would explain why
they're floating. No wonder ~Microsol~ wants to mine them so badly. I just hope
I don't get intercepted before I reach orbit.

*02 02
HOLOVID RELEASE ALPHA
Historical
Note: Rated Not Funny

The Prime Chair said in a convention at Midway, ~Savara~, "We feel that the
economic benefits for the mineral gathering on ~Tyrian~ to be immense,
scientifically and economically.  While so far we haven't found anything but
worthless granite strata, we have been able to form stable test platforms for
military deployment which avoids 80% of the gravitational pull of the main
body of the planet, significantly reducing deployment time and energy
consumption.  In addition, there is a 260% increase in solar collection at
that level of the atmosphere and we feel it can be beamed down to the surface
to provide cheaper, more bountiful power while avoiding the need to deploy
space-platforms.

If we can keep the gravitational disruption active on the rock and still
maintain at least a moderate ground G-force, it will increase the worth of
~Tyrian~ and provide us with an increased capacity for fast colonization."

Scientists believe the mineral compositions in the heavy rock strata on the
surface of the planet can be easily gathered while the planet's gravity has
been disrupted.  ~Tyrian~ is the only planet whose gravity shifts enough to
allow the top strata to break apart from the planet in large sections.

So far, no-one has been able to figure out the odd results in the force, but
~Gencore~ has stated it believes the mineral components of ~Microsol's~ world to
be just on the surface of the planet.  They believe the core of the world
is mostly gas pressure with molten pockets situated in several locations
around the core, without any matter in the center of the planet.  They have
distributed holo-models of the force diagrams which indicate the gravitational
pull is very uneven around the planet, which conflicts near several locations
on the surface and would provide a near-cancellation of the G-force.

*03
No Title
None
No Message

*04 03
LOCAL EMPORIUM DATAFLUX
Ad
Come on down and pick up a USP shuttle at Hank's Used Shuttle and
Holo-Tractor Emporium!

These new Uncorporated Systems Personnel shuttles deliver unparalleled speed
and versatility, allowing the most dangerous and unskilled pilots to manuever
with ease. You may also mount conventional weapons to discourage asteroids
from striking your hull.

The ~USP Talon~ provides you with 1 full inch of armor plating and a generous
full-sized generator and engine area.  With both forward and rear mounting
systems and 2 cargo bays, it's just like a real ~Microsol~ fighter!
Specially designed for speed and maneuverability, it gives you an unparalleled
3G base thrust addition!  All this for only 6000 cr!!

The USP Perren has all the specifications of the ~Talon~ but with Mark VII
air-conditioning and a P-3 stabilizer for added comfort in the blackness of
space.  Also keep a lookout for its stylish drink holder/holosnack bar.

*05
INCOMING MESSAGE FROM MIDWAY, ~SAVARA~ : 21717 mark
Mom
Dear ~Trent~,

     Glad to hear you're doing so well on ~Tyrian~, son.  Papa's so proud of
you.  Oh yes, how's your Hazudra friend?  He seems nice.
You'll have to bring him home this Fokar-Cycle for dinner and a holo-snack.
You're going to come back this Fokar-Cycle, aren't you, son?  We still have
your room made up just like when you left.

     Papa wants me to tell you he finally has a job with ~Microsol~!
It seems they're interested in charting the Sti-5 sector where you're
working.  I always told you Papa was the best holo-chart deployer on ~Savara~!
Finally, I think we're going to move out of this old home. Papa got a
huge payment from his new P-Scouting job and we can afford to do some things
we've always wanted to do.

     Oh, Papa says we have to go to the final interview now.  Seems
they want us to visit the local branch office for a welcoming party.
All our love!
                                                     Mom
*06 01 (get during Tyrian)
~TYRIAN~ SYSTEM DATAFLUX - ASTEROID SECTOR 1
Data
The first asteroid sector of the Tyrian system is the central mining colony
where Microsol has been providing immense amounts of metal for starship
construction. Here can be found gigantic drilling machines and hangars for
prototype models that Microsol builds.

Maneuverability whilst in this sector is limited because of the large
asteroids, and Microsol has installed numerous energy turrets that destroy
any approaching objects that threaten the installations. A ~multi-directional~
weapon is recommended for countering the asteroids and the bases.

Also, an unusual anomaly has been detected in the sector indicating a
possible dimensional shift near an ancient statue at the center of the field.

*07 02 (get during Tyrian)
~TYRIAN~ SYSTEM DATAFLUX - ASTEROID SECTOR 2
Data
The second sector of asteroids in the Tyrian system is not used by Microsol
for mining purposes, but instead as a proving grounds for new craft and
ground assault weapons, their newest being the Thunder HX-21: a small,
tank-like vehicle that fires a powerful plasma blast that can damage even
the most heavily armored starships!

Beware also of deadly laser turrets. The blasts can obliterate the largest of 
asteroids, so imagine what they can do to a ship...

*08 03 (get at Asteroid 1 &2) (guy with black sunglasses and black hair)
~SAVARA~ MERCHANT TRANSMISSION
Merchant
Hey, ~Trent~!  Looks like you've got a price on your head now. the guys at level
3 security say ~Microsol~ is after you, and your parents are being investigated.
What's going on?

Drop by Midway and equip your ship.  Then we'll see if we can find a good
hiding place for you.  I owe you, after all.

We've plenty here for you.  Rear sonic cannons, front lasers, medium armor,
and the first of our shipment of Microsol shields!  We've also found something
interesting...

Deep space pirate brought a couple of these weird glowing green mechanisms
back from the outer reaches of the sector.  Seems the whole frieghter fleet is
out there looking for the ~Blacknova~ stargate.  Anyway, this green thing glows
and emits a weird ionized field around it, but it's far too weak for a
shield.  Still, if you're interested, it's yours dirt cheap.  Gotta pay you
back for that hula lamp...

*09 (Asteroid 2)
HOLOVID RELEASE BETA 06    THERMAL BLAST VIBRATES MIDWAY
News
A thermal blast rocked the city of Midway today, destroying a number of
urban dwellings on the south side of the East River.  Investigators say the
blast was centered on one dwelling owned by the ~Hawkins~ family.
Both the husband and wife are believed disintegrated by the radiation.
Remarkably, few other people were injured.  It seems most of the people in
the community were at a seminar for community awareness produced by the
benevolent ~Microsol~ alliance.

"It seems we averted a major disaster with our welcoming seminar.  I blanche
at the thought of what kind of monster would try to take out an entire
community.  You can be sure we will be investigating it to the fullest extent.
I only wonder at what the people would think if that seminar wasn't being held
at that time..." said ~Microsol~'s new Prime Chair Durril.

Officials at the Main Tallok Fusion Plant said the thermal blast had to have
been a weapon and couldn't have been caused by faulty wiring.

*10 03 (at Savara) (guy with black sunglasses and black hair)
DATAFLUX UPLOAD from Midway
Merchant
I've found the best chance of escape for you.  The home of gencore tech
alliance: ~DELIANI~.  Head there and you should be able to find refuge with
~TRANSON LOHK~, who is the chancellor. 

I'm sorry about your parents, Trent. Something tells me you want revenge, but
before you go off half cocked just listen to this...

~Gencore~ is in a fix right now.  Since ~Microsol~ is monopolizing ~Tyrian~,
~Gencore~ is losing power in the council at ~REMUS~.  The head research fellows at
~Gencore~ also believe there is something weird going on concerning the
development of ~Tyrian~, and if they could pinpoint it, they'd have grounds for
opposition and perhaps even a shutdown of the whole operation.  Still, they
have no leads.  Only hypotheses.  If you could provide some information for
them, ~Gencore~ would hopefully help you find the reason for ~Microsol~'s
interest in your death. Good luck, ~Trent~.

*11 08 (bald dude) (at Savara)
INCOMING TRANSMISSION from Magnatower Center
Transon
We read you on our vidspec screens as Trent Hawkins, terraformation pilot.
I am ~TRANSON LOHK~, chancellor of the ~Gencore~ tech alliance.  We need your
help, Trent.

~Microsol~ is clearly after you. ~Deliani~ is being infiltrated
even now by a whole fleet of Microsol patrol ships. We'll do our best to hold
them off until you can reach us.

~Tyrian's~ rock formations are gravity controlling, you say?  So that would mean
that ~Microsol~ is most likely to be using this new power source to build a
fleet of incredibly fast warships.  Their main goal is to control the
sector, as some of our agents have discovered recently. we need you to be on
our infiltration team, ~Trent~.  You're obviously one of the finest pilots in
the sector from that manuvering you just pulled off, so you can fly into
~Microsol~ territory and discover exactly what they intend to do and when.

In all your life, you'll never have a better opportunity of serving your
sector. Head for ~Deliani~ and ~Javi~, our security chief, will brief you on
your first mission.

*12 01 (After ~Tyrian~)
TRANSMISSION SOURCE: ~XSIV Games~
Eclipse
Hey, Trent, here's another game to play from ~XSIV~:

~Pretzel Pete~

It's soft pretzel madness as ~Pretzel Pete~ drives around in his crazy truck,
trying to scoop up evil ~Street Pretzels~ which are terrorizing the world.
~Baker Bob~ is behind this pretzel madness and will not stop until he turns
all of humanity into living pretzels!

If only they'd include a real ~soft pretzel~ with this game, as it makes you
hungry to play...

*13 01 (any bonus level)
TRANSMISSION SOURCE: ~Carrotus~
Carrotus
~Jazz~, are you there?  The rats on Tychus III need your help.  They said there's
a big reward if you can save their village from the pirate cats of Meowicus.

Said it was something totally unique, some kind of Graniton.

Stop sitting around on VegasCon and come back - we need another episode!

*14 01
TRANSMISSION SOURCE: MagVend 004-55506B
MagVend
You may have already won 2 trillion C-Credits!

If you return the winning prize number by stardate 445x56.4, we will say on
live 4-D holovision - "~Trent Hawkins~ has won 2 trillion C-Credits!"

You cannot afford to pass up this offer.

[Message edited due to tasteless content]

MagVend 004-55506B thanks you for your patronage.

*15 01 (any level)
TRANSMISSION SOURCE: Nortaneous
Nort
<!> ~Intercepted~ ~Transmission~

Mantori, we have located three hyperspatial ~anomalies~ on the planet
designated "~Tyrian~".  Please advise.

Analysis indicates there is a 56% chance that entry will modify ship
position to unknown location.  Access code for probe 334-G requested.
Location of first ~anomaly~ is stog rock at elpim mb tst...

~Priority Drelb~!  Possibility of interference with normal operations 94%.

Appears to be the only unusual ~anomaly~ in this sector.  Dimensional access to
submarcon ~"Registered~ ~version"~ may provide additional anomalies.

*16 01 (any level)
TRANSMISSION SOURCE: Steffan Tommas
Steffan
Well, well, Trent. It seems you've made yourself quite popular in the Tyrian
sector. Things are still quite calm here on Ganymede, and Microsol is
hardly a threat to ~WAR~ at the moment. But they seem to be giving you
trouble, and I don't appreciate people bothering my friends.

If you can make it to planet Torm, circling the capital planet of Remus, I
will send Dougan to provide you with additional supplies. With regret I
cannot send any HARs to assist, since your fight is with starships and not
robots.

Good luck, Trent. If you can, drop by Ganymede and we'll go a few rounds. I
sincerely hope your skills with the ~Nova III~ haven't waned.

*17 02
Protron Cannon Indigo
DATA
New to Tyrian sector 2.0, this is a powerful option available for any ship.

The Indigo fires out dual IR Protron bursts in rapid succession and works
well when not confined to narrow quarters.  Unfortunately, the prototype Indigo
was last seen in a secret region of Episode 2, protected by a fleet of
crystalline life forms called the Inzia in Galactic Tongue.  To retrieve the
device will certainly be difficult, since the Inzia surround your ship with
crystalline mines which will confuse the Indigo system.

*18 02
Companion Ships Warfly and Gerund
DATA
Just released by Gencore into Tyrian sector 2.0.

These are the latest in advanced ship tracking systems.  Both models feature
a ship-history tracking system which means they will follow your ship's every
move, only they will stay a second or two behind your movement.

The Warfly packs a newly developed rapid-fire crystalline energy mine, while
the more powerful Gerund uses a triple-beam system.  Recent reports reveal
that two custom prototype Lightning-Gerund craft were designed and sold to
General Nortaneous, but Gencore denies this as a false rumor.

Microsol has also released a competing line of weapons which dock with your
ship to form permanent forward cannon attachments.
*19 08       Head of Gencore
DELIANI PRIORITY UPLINK A1
Transon
Trent, I want you to go investigate a disturbance on Savara.  We've received
reports of a massive gravity surge in one of the main cities there, Tonchus.

The situation there sounds grim with a number of people panicking and trying
to escape.  I know it's short notice, but please do your best.  Further details
are available from ~Emperor~ ~Milktoe's~ address which I am also sending.

You must take out that lunatic or else the planet will be ruined.

Transon out.
*20 05
PLANETARY EMERGENCY
Milktoe
This is ~Emperor~ ~Milktoe~ of Savara.  This planetary distress is not a drill!

A large beam of unknown energy has been directed at 41x30 in the upper
hemisphere of our planet.  It has caused an incredible gravitational
disturbance which ~is~ raising the oceans ~at~ that ~point~ ~to~ unheard-of ~levels~.

<~cough~>

Widespread panic has gripped the planet and the citizens are grabbing any
ship available to escape the surface.  The sky is filled with thousands of
shuttles and blimps.

Even worse, a crazed lunatic calling himself ~Lord~ ~Gopenhagen~ is flying
around in a modified T-29 blimp and destroying countless ships and buildings.
He has threatened to destroy the main power centers of the planet and cause
a giant meltdown.  In five hours he will have achieved his objective.

I hope someone out there can help us, but I'm not going to stick around and
find out!  There's a royal shuttle leaving in five minutes and I'll be
on it!

Formerly... ~Emperor~ ~Milktoe~
*21 07
UNKNOWN
????????
Your arrogance will be your downfall.  We have taken care of your friend.


I hope you enjoyed your flight.  Please return your tray to the upright position
and prepare for destruction.

Ha ha.
*22 08       Head of Gencore
DELIANI PRIORITY UPLINK A1
Transon
You're going to try and fly back to Tyrian for the gravity rocks?

Good luck finding some of that ore.  If you can pick up a sample, maybe we can
analyze it to find out more about it.

I hope what happened on Savara won't be repeated.  The consequences of this
power are terrifying.

Transon out.
*23 03
Scenic guide to the universe: ~Tyrian~
Guidebook
  ~TYRIAN:~

~Dining:~

Though only recently habitable, Tyrian features some capable cooking.  There
is little outstanding about most of the establishments, unfortunately.

The ~Terrace~ de ~Rock~ is a lovely dining hall in the city of ~Rockenheimer~
where mineral creatures can dine to their delight on tasty quartz and feldspar
dishes.

For our reptilian cousins, there is a fine selection of delicacies tuned to
the discriminating grubbite.  No finer mealworms can be found this side of
the galaxy.

Sadly, there is only one dining establishment for humans: another chain in the
~Interstellar~ ~House~ of ~Gruel~.  This one is even more miserable than the
one located in the toejam of Torm.  Avoid at all costs and try the mealworms
instead.

~Culture:~

There is only a rudimentary culture on Tyrian, but it does boast a fair number
of lovely recreation camps for younger kids.  ~Rockland~ is a fine example of
these joyous facilities.  For only 2400 Cs you can send your unloved one away
to slave in the beautiful quartz and feldspar mines, where they will learn all
about geological instabilities, gaseous substances, forced marches, and
especially large-scale mountain sculpture.  It's an experience no kid would
ever forget!

Mineralists will also be able to gaze in wonder at the incredibly varied
geology of the surface strata.  Worth a look.

~Entertainment:~

Most visitors come to Tyrian to watch the beautiful floating rocks.  Every
two months Microsol features a new upheaval where you can see these giant
rocks literally rip themselves out of the surface.  One note of caution, though.
Unfortunately, this is extremely dangerous and they don't know in advance
exactly ~which~ rocks will fly off.  But, for a small fee, they will arrange
hospital pickup and quick to-go funeral services.
*24 03
Scenic guide to the universe: ~Asteroid Field Sector 1~
Guidebook
  ~ASTEROID 1:~

~Dining:~

Sector 1 is guest to none other than the galaxy's only ~Gestalt~ ~Greasers~.
The building is an unparalleled giant bubble, with a panoramic view extending
out into the stars.  Fortunately, Greasers has a holo field emitter which can
project onto the bubble any one of thousands of locations.  The food is
worthless slime, but if you ever wanted to visit a thousand locations all at
once, you have picked the right place.  Greasers does a brisk job of special
services and birthdays.  The Order of Zinglon swears by this place.

~Culture:~

Most of the people in this area simply cannot afford a culture, but there is
a great deal of second-hand style in this place.  What little they can afford
is packed into the greatest hoe-downs anyone has ever seen.

~Entertainment:~

Most of the asteroid belt is off-limits to tourists, but there are a number
of public access roads where you can spend your time annoying overworked
miners by buzzing past them at over 8 Gs.  A must event for the whole family!

Another big attraction is the lonely miner bars located all over the area.
This is ~the~ place to find that overworked barbarian of your dreams.
*25 03
Scenic guide to the universe: ~Asteroid Field Sector 2~
Guidebook
  ~ASTEROID 2:~

~Dining:~

Sector 2 is an extremely restricted area.  Only the most important V.I.P.s
are allowed to even enter the space around here.  For this reason, sector 2
has the galaxy's largest free-floating pizza parlor.  This business is far more
efficient than most, but it needs to be because of the large orders they
receive.  When you place your order, you are guaranteed delivery in under
3 minutes.  To achieve this remarkable rate for large orders, the entire
parlor can be moved into position above your building's pizza-intake valve.
Then, it's bombs away as the entire order is blasted to your receiving room
at 3000 miles/sec!

Every year, the bigwigs at Microsol spend months devising ever more challenging
orders for these people to fill, but they haven't won yet.  You can be sure
their computers are churning away at this very minute to find new ways to
exceed the 3-minute waiting time and receive their pizzas for free.

The name of the place?  ~Damenoes~.

~Culture:~

A potpourri of the most important useless people roam the underground
corridors of this massive research facility.  They represent the largest
mass of paper-pushers and pencil-sharpeners the universe has ever known.

~Entertainment:~

None.  This center is a rehabilitation camp for useless people.  Microsol's
grand design is to force at least one person to realize a single ounce of
useful work.  This plan has been a total failure.
*26 03
Scenic guide to the universe: ~Soh Jin~
Guidebook
  ~SOH JIN:~

~Dining:~

The cornucopia of desert foods are enough to enliven any Arabian tale.
Most restauraunts serve over 20 different types of figs alone.

The most impressive eatery, though, is ~Assan's~ ~Low-Cal~ ~Oasis~.  Assan's
sells over one hundred varieties of figs, seventeen types of camel dishes,
and three other secret dishes we can't even recognize.  To top it off, nothing
served here is over twenty calories.  It's a dieter's dreamworld come true, as
Assan can do things with figs that lesser men only dream of.

On the other side of the dusty world is ~Coshack~ and his ~Green~ ~Walnut~.
Within the confines of this lovely vegetarian oasis lies the world's only
walnut tree.  How he keeps it growing in this climate is but a mystery, but
guests can take a guided tour detailing the mysteries of this planet's fruit.
An experience not to be missed.

~Culture:~

Technology has adapted this nomadic world to a nomadic life of space-travel.
The locals are wary of outsiders, but will freely accept you as long as you
can speak their language.  Fortunately, the locals were never too bright and
most people can fake their ancestral language which consists of only one word:
Sand.

~Entertainment:~

Camel jaunts are minutes away from any location on the planet.  Also, Sand-gathering
and wyrm hunting are two of the most widely enjoyed pleasures this world has
to offer.

Soh Jin boasts the galaxy's largest mountain of sand.  It's a wonder.  Actually,
it's a wonder you can see it through the constant sandstorms, but if you do miss
the few seconds it's visible every thousand years, you can purchase any number
of delightful postcards from the people who saw it the last time.

Make sure you hire a local guide, though, as most people are quite lost nearly
three feet from a building.  The locals have cunningly placed a dampening field
which neutralizes positioning beacons, so you'd better follow their custom.
*27 03
Scenic guide to the universe: ~Holes~
Guidebook
  ~HOLES:~

This is an uninhabited moon which is being placed into use by a race of
unknown creatures under the apparent funding of Microsol.  It is still a
breathtaking place to visit, though.

~Dining:~

Though the surface is totally uninhabitable and the atmosphere still consists
of chlorine and acid, there is an ~Interstellar~ ~House~ of ~Gruel~ already
located here.  While they haven't received a customer yet who survived the
descent to the surface, they do have high hopes.  Featured on display in the
dining hall are the withered remains of the customers who came but died on the
way down.

~Culture:~

There is no real culture here, per se, but there are a number of military
excursions here by the race who terraformed this planet.  As they don't happen
to like gruel, nobody in the sector has met one of these creatures yet.

~Entertainment:~

Many a scientist comes here after retirement to watch all their fundamental
mathematical theorems fall apart as they watch the landmasses floating in
apparent defiance to their life's work.
*28 03
ARCHIVE DATA
Data
Reference: Hot Dog Generators

Following the dismantling of the ~Superspace Hot Dawg~ franchise (pushed
out of the picture by the increasing popularity of ~International House~ of
~Gruel~), a cache of top-secret rapid hot dog generators were discovered in
a sold research warehouse on ~Camanis~.

These generators were capable of synthesizing and elongating pork nodules at
16ms each, vapor-cooking them within 2ms, and synthesizing the bun directly
outside of the meat simulatneously.  ~SynthaMustard~ was then applied using
high-speed ~mustard-jet~ apparatus.  In effect, within 20ms of placing the
order a hot-dog simulacrum could be created and delivered out of the
pressurized chaimber to a waiting customer.  Most generators were equipped
with as many as 20 simultaneous generation chaimbers.

These were intended for very saturated markets and would have reduced costs
over time by 50%.  In fact, experts speculate that if this ~Hot Dawg~ research
had been completed a few minutes sooner, the takeover bid could have been
averted and the company saved.

However, this cruel twist of fate prompted a black-market for hot dog
generators to feed luxury-class citizens and host international barbecues.
In addition, at least one report claims that if the nozzles were tampered with
these generators could be dangerous weapons in the wrong hands.
*29 03
Scenic guide to the universe: ~Gyges~
Guidebook
  ~GYGES:~

~Dining:~

This planet is the home to the largest mass of organic creatures ever seen.
What breeds down in the pits of the planet is unknown and unrecognizable, but
can be purchased for a low price at ~Wobbo:~ ~Land~ ~O'~ ~Meat~.

The ~crayball~ ~surprise~ is a most elegant delectible, served with fresh Zimbles
or your choice of Tokkies.  Wobbo's fine assortment of Gyganian delicacies are
not to be matched by any other proprietor on Gyges.  For parties, order an
entire Garmon Platter.  The size of a large scout ship, this massive crustacean
serves over 500 human-sized patrons!

Vegetarians should avoid this planet at all costs, as the local creatures
view such people as the lowest on the food chain.  As far as this planet is
concerned, vegetarians are free game.  Many a hapless veggie has dared to
avoid the local food and has been subsequently eaten.

A common saying on Gyges:  "If you don't want to eat my friends, then I'll
eat YOU!"

~Culture:~

Most of the slimy inhabitants of this weird place don't speak any sort of
recognizable language.  For those who simply must take an excursion down below,
bring a star destroyer along with you, or else some vegetarians to serve as
bait.  If the denziens are not too hungry that day, you can probably slip by with
only throwing a few vegetarians to the masses.  Just remember that you'll want
to leave again.

If you're fortunate enough to be allowed to visit the great Stomach to pay
homage to him, you will find your stay well rewarded.  Only a few are allowed
to visit this special creature, and he has it in his power to make those he
trusts quite lucrative deals.  Authorities claim he is often in violation of
intergalactic law with his enterprises, but so far none of the police have
been able to arrest the entire planet.

~Entertainment:~

Gyges boasts some rather wonderfully seedy nightclubs and is only rivaled in
despair and general piracy to Torm.  You can be sure if you visit this planet
that it will open up a whole new world of fun and excitement.  Just make sure
you sample the local food... or else.
*30 02
Latest Top Ten List from Eclipse Central
Music
Here they are, starting at #10...

  "~Droids~ ~Just~ ~Wanna~ ~Have~ ~Fun~" : Retro Pop

Droids just wanna have fuh-un; oh oh oh; Droids just a-wanna have fuh-unnn.

  "~If~ ~I~ ~Had~ ~a~ ~Blaster...~" : Religious

If I had a blaster, I'd blaster in the morning, I'd blaster in the e-e-ev-ning...

  "~Computer~ ~Generated~ ~Music~ ~#45592-2300-66A~" : CompuGen

WoULD yoU Li~k~e to sI~N~G a SonG wIt~H~ me sUbJEc~T~ ~T~o bL~U~e CashEWs?

  "~Six~ ~Planets~ ~to~ ~Twenty~" : Rock

[Guitar solo]  There'll be six  [Guitar solo]  ~PLANETS~ to ~TWENTY~.  Yea,  [Guitar solo]  just six ~PLANETS~  [Guitar solo]  to ~TWENTY~!

  "~If~ ~I~ ~was~ ~a~ ~Hamburger,~ ~I'd~ ~Eat~ ~Myself~" : Jazz

Give me a minute.  I'm findin' some mu-stard.  Give me a minute.  I'm pumpin' some may-o.
It's just me... and this seeded bu-un!  Just look at me now... Ham-bur-ger.

  "~The~ ~4-Minute~ ~Quiet~" : Nothing

  "~Mending~ ~Pumpkins~" : Classical

  "~Logic~ ~Absorbtion~" : Rock

[Screeching noise]  [More Screeching noise]  [Guitar solo]  [Screeching noise]

  "~Sand~ ~by~ ~Me~" : Pop

Sand by me; There's sand by me.  Oh, darling, darling, look at it!  There's sand, all a-round me.  Sand 'round me.  Sand 'r-ound me.  Sand 'round... me-e.

And the most popular song out this solar hour:

"~CliffTunes~" : Retro New-Wave

Ten years.  Got some money.  Lost my mind.  Got more money.  Found a life but
lost my rhythm.  Never saw... A paper orangutang.

This is MiMi Jeff with Eclipse Central, signing off.
*31 02
Order of Zinglon
Decree
By the order of Grand Moolah Yimbo, all main space-faring ships must conform
to the Anti-Fruit Decree.

~Anti-Fruit~ ~Decree~:

Due to the blasphemous nature of alowing food products to float around endlessly
in space, potentially disrupting the nature of Zinglon, any ship allowing
fruit to escape from their ship after their destruction will be sent to
the Great Buffet to give penance.

What's more fruit-bearing weapons are also a direct violation of this form if
they are not blessed by a priest wearing the brick-red robes of inedibility.

Anyone with knowledge of someone who has violated these sacred rules must
confess to the Order of Zinglon or else suffer a similar penance in the Great
Waiting Room Above the Buffet.

  Grand Moolah Yimbo

  Order of Zinglon
*32 02
Order of Zinglon
Story
It is written that in the days of 2-D holovision, there appeared an image to
everyone in the universe.  That image was the ascention of our god, Zinglon.
He gave us this image of his form so that we may look upon him and realize the
great pain he felt so that we could live new lives, free from the negative
aspects of life.

Soon afterward, the prophet Monses received the eleven cubes of holy rules,
the commandments by which all races must live in harmony.

The greatest of these commandments is that ~All~ ~Life-Forms~ ~May~ ~Partake~
~of~ ~the~ ~Wisdom~ ~of~ ~Zinglon~.  Every creature, big and small, is given
the opportunity to save themselves from damnation by learning the writings of
our order.

Also important is the ~Right~ ~to~ ~Free~ ~Speech~ ~With~ ~Exceptions~.  That
is, any person who follows the right of Zinglon may produce any material they
see fit which does not mock the great one himself.  Those who do not follow
the order may also produce any material they wish, though the order is free
to wage Jihad against them.

Another great advance in free rights is the ~Spiritual~ ~Right~ ~to~ ~Eat~
~Crackers~.

The rest are:

The Law of the Order of Zinglon is final and absolute.

All races must live in harmony or suffer the consequences.

Objects whose quantity are eleven are spiritually divine.

No race is allowed to totally destroy another, no matter what their crime.
Anyone so doing must at least keep one of the target race in stasis under their
own expense.

No life form has the right to invoke the power of Zinglon within pagan idols.

All life forms have the right to subsidized bus fare.

All life forms have the right to subsidized education, as long as they are
taught the rules of Zinglon and are bonded into slavery for life.

No life form may be harmed by the order unless the order proves that they have
not followed the above commandments.
*33
HOW TO PLAY
Game
How to play the special ending game ~ZINGLON'S~ ~ALE~:

In his quest to reach out into the limitless stretches of imagination, Zinglon
discovered the magical means to create ale.  Now, though, ~Dai-Zan~ has stolen
the holy casks of Zinglon and threatens to drink all the ale in the universe
for himself.  You, a devout follower of Zinglon must not let this pass!  The
fate of all the ale in the universe is in your hands.

In this game, you must dodge wave after wave of bouncing enemies in an attempt
to gather as much ale as possible.  While good dodging is important, you must
also clear the screen of enemies completely before you will progress to the
next level.  The game continues infinitely, though it will keep getting harder
and harder.

Enemies:

~Ignatz~ : Twirling U-ship : 15 pts

~Morble~ : Spinning O-ship : 20 pts

~William~ : Black V-shaped ship : 20 pts

~Clifts~ : Brown, round ship : 25 pts

~Meeble~ : Grey mines : 50 pts

~Deeble~ : Gold mines : 75 pts

~Zeeblex~ : Blue mines : ???

~Tyco~ : Little red bubble : 15+100 pts

The ~Brussee~ ~Triangles~ : 50 pts

~Zoglo~ : Glowing red ball : 10 pts

~Dai-Zan~ ~Minion:~ ~The~ ~Alemaster~ : ??? : ??? pts

The armor ship will still come down to help you if you are damaged.

Extra lives are earned at 10000, 20000, and every 25000 pts thereafter.
*34
STRATEGY
Game
Strategy Guide for ~ZINGLON'S~ ~ALE~: 

This simplistic game can be deceptively difficult.  Don't allow yourself to
be hypnotized by the endless streams of enemies!

Level 1:  ~Panic~

A quick wave of ships all attack you at once.  Grab the ale and blast them
quickly.

Level 2:  ~Mines~

This is mostly a large group of mines which will attack you slowly.  Be sure
to avoid the Zeeblex at all costs - it's indestructible!

Level 3:  ~Hoppers~

Two sets of Ignatz will attack you.  However, you will pick up two
ale bottles here.

Level 4:  ~Williams~

Two sets of Williams attack, one right after another.  Take them out and grab
both bottles of ale.

Level 5:  ~Morble Wars~

Dual Morble formations attack.  Four bottles.

Level 6:  ~Bonus Round~

Ale galore!  Watch out for the Zeeblex, though.

Level 7-12: ~?????~

Find out for yourself!  Note that this is an endless game here for your
amusement only.

There are no special moves available in this game.

And, just to add a small challenge, my high score is 85600...
*35
REMINDER
Game
You do not need to play this game to continue.  It is merely an extra game
for your enjoyment.  If you want to continue with the normal game, simply
select ~Give~ ~Up~ in the Next Level menu.

Also, this game can not be played by two players and will only be available
in the normal game mode.  It won't appear when playing arcade or other modes.

Enjoy!
*36 01
GRUEL
Ad
'Twas brillig and the slithey todes did wamble on to...

~The~ ~Interstellar~ ~House~ ~of~ ~Gruel~

Yes, friends.  It's all happening here in our Gruel!

I'm Jacob Riitwiit, head of gruel research at ICBG - I Can't Believe it's
Gruel.  We have worked long hours perfecting the greatest gruel recipe ever!

Some of your ancestors may have walked in primitive huts, sampling this
nutritious snack.  And, now, you can continue the tradition with:

~Auntie~ ~Boglog's~ ~Swill-diddily-blugus~ ~Bars!~  We've taken the same great
taste and tantalizing aroma and crammed it into these little bars.

[Disgusting cartoon of gnomes singing and swimming around in a stump filled
with gruel.]

Slop it here,
squish it there,
it's all a lump of gruel.

We like to eat this tasty snack
and soon you wi-ill too!

'Cause we're the gnomes of Cackle-Berry
who make this tasty gruel.

It's filling...
nutritious...
and hangs well on the wall.

We..
call...
i----t...

Swill-diddily-blugus Bars!

Tasty with a heart!

Swill-diddily-blugus Bars!

Sealed in with a f---

[Scene edited out.]

So buy some today!
*37 05
COMPLAINT
Letter
Dear Sirs:

I would like to complain about your editing out of material you see as harmful
and in bad taste.  In the last commercial, you took out the scene where the
gnome

[Letter edited out due to tasteless comment]

Thank you for printing my point of view.

Emperor Milktoe of Savara
*

